Funny Computer Quotes
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." Pablo Picasso.
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." Rich Cook.
"Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer." Rita May Brown.
"All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men." Isaac Asimov.
"To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer." Paul Ehrlich.
"The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity." Patrick Murray.
"Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers." Leonard Brandwein.
"UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity." Dennis Ritchie.
"The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again." Al Goodman.
"The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit." Eric Porterfield.
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." Nathaniel Borenstein.
"To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so." Robert Orben.
"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." Robert X. Cringely.
"If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it." Pierre Gallois.
*** Academics ***
"Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known." FA Montagu.
"There are lies, damned lies and statistics." Mark Twain
"I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison." WC Fields.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates.
"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex." Edgar Wallace.
"You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one." Albert Einstein.
"Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me." GW Hegel.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." Charles Duell.
"Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones." Mike Barfield.
"The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." Albert Einstein.
*** The Science Bit! ***
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872 .
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urging for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are." Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show .
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." George Gobol.
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." David Letterman.
"In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies." Stephen Leacock.
"Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste." Wes Smith.
"Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female." Desmond Morris.
"When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction." Steven Wright
"Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost." Russell Baker.
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