Funny Lawyers Quotes
"Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty." George Bernard Shaw .
"A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." Patrick Murray.
"The one great principle of English law is to make business for itself." Charles Dickens.
"A man may as well open an oyster without a knife, as a lawyer's mouth without a fee." Barton Holyday.
"The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing." Will Rogers.
"A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong; they should have killed him because he was a lawyer." Whitney Brown.
"No brilliance is required in law, just common sense and relatively clean fingernails." John Mortimer.
"Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish." Ted Whitehead.
"An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer." Evelle Younger.
"A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats." Benjamin Franklin.
"Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer." Will Rogers.
"I would much prefer to be a judge than a coal miner because of the absence of falling coal." Peter Cook.
"The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk." Patrick Murray.
"A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns." Mario Puzo.
"A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it to himself." Henry Bougham.
"The most beautiful words in the English langauge are 'not guilty'." Maxim Gorky.
"To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph." John Mortimer.
"There are three reasons why lawyers are replacing rats as laboratory research animals. One is that they are plentiful, another is that lab assistants don't get so attached to them and the third is that they will do things that you just can't get rats to do." Blanche Knott.
"The Scottish verdict 'not proven' means 'guilty, but don't do it again'." Winifred Duke.
"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate." Ambrose Bierce.
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