Funny Baseball Quotes
"Hating the New York Yankees is as American as apple pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax." Mike Royko.
"Baseball statistics are like a girl in a bikini. They show a lot, but not everything." Toby Harrah.
"Well, boys, it's a round ball and a round bat and you got to hit the ball square." Joe Schultz.
"The greatest feeling in the world is to win a major league game. The second-greatest feeling is to lose a major league game." Chuck Tanner.
"Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona." George F. Will.
"Putting lights in Wrigley Field is like putting aluminium siding on the Sistine Chapel." Roger Simon.
"I have discovered in twenty years of moving around a ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats." Bill Veeck.
"Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for the house in blackjack." Adam Morrow.
" What are we at the park for except to win? I'd trip my mother. I'd help her up, brush her off, tell her I'm sorry. But mother don't make it to third." Leo Durocher.
"Baseball fans are junkies, and their heroin is the statistic." Robert S. Wieder.
"The best way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then pick it up." Bob Uecker.
"England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example." Robert Benchley.
"Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in." Casey Stengel.
"Don't forget to swing hard, in case you hit the ball." Woodie Held.
"Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot." Dick Gregory.
"There have been only two geniuses in the world. Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare." Tallulah Bankhead.
"More than any other American sport, baseball creates the magnetic, addictive illusion that it can almost be understood." Thomas Boswell.
"Baseball is a harbor, a seclusion from failure that really matters, a playful utopia in which virtuosity can be savored to the third decimal place of a batting average." Mark Kramer.
"Why does everybody stand up and sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" when they're already there?" Larry Anderson.
"A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time." William C. Feather.
"Baseball is the only game left for people. To play basketball, you have to be 7 feet 6 inches. To play football, you have to be the same width." Bill Veeck.
"You know it's summertime at Candlestick when the fog rolls in, the wind kicks up, and you see the center fielder slicing open a caribou to survive the ninth inning." Bob Sarlette.
"Hitting is timing. Pitching is upsetting timing." Warren Spahn.
"I don't love baseball. I don't love most of today's players. I don't love the owners. I do love, however, the baseball that is in the heads of baseball fans. I love the dreams of glory of 10-year-olds, the reminiscences of 70-year-olds. The greatest baseball arena is in our heads, what we bring to the games, to the telecasts, to reading newspaper reports." Stan Isaacs.
"A critic once characterized baseball as six minutes of action crammed into two-and-one-half hours." Ray Fitzgerald.
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base." Dave Barry.
"Baseball is reassuring. It makes me feel as if the world is not going to blow up." Sharon Olds.
"I have observed that baseball is not unlike war, and when you get right down to it, we batters are the heavy artillery." Ty Cobb.
"There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither of them work." Charlie Lau.
"Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he's losing; nobody wants you to quit when you're ahead." Jackie Robinson.
"I became a good pitcher when I stopped trying to make them miss the ball and started trying to make them hit it." Sandy Koufax.
"I'm convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile." Tom Clark.
"There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem - once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit." Al Gallagher.
"What is both surprising and delightful is that spectators are allowed, and even expected, to join in the vocal part of the game.... There is no reason why the field should not try to put the batsman off his stroke at the critical moment by neatly timed disparagements of his wife's fidelity and his mother's respectability." George Bernard Shaw.
"When you're in a slump, it's almost as if you look out at the field and it's one big glove." Vance Law.
"Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror." George Carlin.
"You know you're pitching well when the batters look as bad as you do at the plate." Duke Snider.
"No game in the world is as tidy and dramatically neat as baseball, with cause and effect, crime and punishment, motive and result, so cleanly defined." Paul Gallico.
"A hot dog at the ballgame beats roast beef at the Ritz." Humphrey Bogart.
"To a pitcher, a base hit is the perfect example of negative feedback." Steve Hovley.
"What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No cubs." Harry Caray.
"Baseball fans love numbers. They love to swirl them around their mouths like Bordeaux wine." Pat Conroy.
"Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer." Ted Williams.
"You gotta be a man to play baseball for a living, but you gotta have a lot of little boy in you, too." Roy Campanella.
"I believe in the Church of Baseball. I tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I learned that, I gave Jesus a chance." Ron Shelton.
"The great thing about baseball is that there's a crisis every day." Gabe Paul.
"The place was always cold, and I got the feeling that the fans would have enjoyed baseball more if it had been played with a hockey puck." Andre Dawson, on Montreal.
"It ain't nothin' till I call it." Bill Klem, umpire.
"They are supposed to be dispassionate dispensers of Pure Justice, icy islands of emotionless calculation. In short, umpires should be acute Republicans." George F. Will.
"Baseball is too much of a sport to be called a business, and too much of a business to be called a sport." Philip Wrigley.
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