Funny Social Commentary Quotes
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." Groucho Marx
"The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - The unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable." Oscar Wilde ('A Woman of No Importance' 1893)
"She had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, the power of speech." George Bernard Shaw
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault." Henry Kissinger.
"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business." Dave Barry.
"Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything." Herb Caen.
"The cocktail party is a device for paying off obligations to people you don't want to invite for dinner." Charles Smith.
"Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes." Oscar Wilde ('Lady Windemere's Fan' 1892)
"As yet, Bernard Shaw hasn't become prominent enough to have any enemies, but none of his friends like him." Oscar Wilde
"He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend; provided, of course, he really is dead." Voltaire.
"It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent." Dave Barry.
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members." Groucho Marx
"I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically." Steven Wright
"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late." Henry Youngman.
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." Mark Twain
"A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." Herm Albright.
"Those who can do, those who can't teach." George Bernard Shaw
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." Douglas Adams.
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." Charles Lamb.
"It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly." Oscar Wilde ('The Picture of Dorian Gray' 1891)
"To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice." Ambrose Bierce
"There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about." Oscar Wilde ('The Picture of Dorian Gray' 1891)
"Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement." Mark Twain
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." WC Fields.
"We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." Jeff Marder.
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." Groucho Marx
"Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability." George Bernard Shaw
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." Rita Mae Brown.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Maria Carey.
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